I was becoming what you might call jaded. Forty-somethings have to find someone who not only meets all the something requirements but is not all the things that decades of ex-lovers were. This is what I hear most frequently from clients.
Since I found love, and many of my clients have too, I know you can do it! After 16 dates with 11 women, here are the highlights: Carve time out of your calendar at least once a week to meet new people. When I found my year-old self nursing a Cosmopolitan on a bar stool in the West Village, I knew where that hunger came from. Finally, I buckled down and signed up for -- yikes! Personally, I found a man who is not like that, and I have many clients who have also found a fabulous, moral guy. Expecting a man to be like your girlfriends means he is bound to fail. However, I guarantee there is a man who is the right one for you. Women who have been burned by a man or know people who have tend to believe this, which I can understand. When I went out, the bars were filled with singles around my age. Plus, I met men through personal ads online dating was not popular yet in and had at least one coffee date, if not more, every weekend. I felt like a guidance counselor on prom night. They are dramatically different. We needed to go to Massachusetts to meet, through someone I met on the Internet. Most men will never be as thoughtful or have the same depth of understanding as your girlfriends. These negative beliefs prevent you from connecting, or worse, stop you from even looking. Men today do not want a relationship. There are definitely men who do not cheat, lie or refuse to settle down. One of my clients, Sally, insisted that all of the men in her town were married. So I guess in a roundabout way I met my girlfriend on the Internet, kinda, sorta. Dating is a numbers game so the more men you meet, the better your chances for finding the love you want. I was like this myself, before I got serious about finding love. Still, people fall in love every day and many of my clients do find that loving man. If you are a single woman over 40, you have a love history. Will every man you meet be perfect? My advice is to let go of this idea, because it will prevent you from finding the love you want. I was becoming what you might call jaded.
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